He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
