Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
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