I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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