Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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