Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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