i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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