just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
