How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
