So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
