i jhust puked up my retainher.
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
if only i could text you this smell
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
My boob is missing a layer of skin
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
