That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
