Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
