I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
