my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
