Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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