I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
