Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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