I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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