just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
We had to coat check the pizza.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
