I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
