just come out here and I will go home with you...
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
They took my balls.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
