I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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