WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
