Sorry, I don't speak sober.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
