Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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