Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
