I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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