even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
