Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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