Is it normal to miss your booty call?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Randomize
