This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
