The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
