All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
