non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
