I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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