So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
