his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
