Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
