Please, let me fuck your mom
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
