Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
