I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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