Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
