So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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