sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
