Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Everclear isn't food dammit
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
