I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
