Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
