i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
