thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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