We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
