Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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