There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Randomize
