I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
